You Can't Say I Didn't Warn You...
Metasonix products have long been a favorite of the Oddities. Their tasteless product names and even more tasteless graphics are wonderfully representative of the atrocities committed against audio passing through their devices.
This year they've outdone themselves and for the first time in NAMM Oddities' history, I feel compelled to provide a click-through mechanism to hide the photo from all but the most adventurous souls.
- Metasonix
- 870 South Main Street, PMB 109
- Lakeport CA 95453
- (707) 263-5343
- www.metasonix.com
Click here to
view the image,
but only if you are
not easily offended.
For That Very Special Someone
On the right is a 28-fret, 35-inch scale bass that's perfect for that hard-to-buy-for, homosexual zombie horror-metal band frontman in your life.
On the left is Maris The Great, one such homosexual zombie horror-metal band frontman for whom 10-32 Guitars built this peach of an instrument.
- 10-32 Guitars, LLC
- www.1032guitars.com
Chrome Cones
This gleaming guitar girl should have been here in 2008 when the Silver Surfer made an appearance at NAMM.
I saw these guitars at the 2007 show but back then the company was called Henmanbevilacqua Guitars. I think they made a good marketing move with the name change.
- Henman Guitars
- (310) 430-2796
- www.henmanguitars.com
Whatever the Heil You Want
The Heil custom shop will pimp out your mics in whatever hideous way you can dream up. This sort of indiscriminate, unadulterated ugly has generally been committed by Asian knock-off product companies. The difference here is that the Heil mics actually sound really good.
- Heil Sound, LTD
- 5800 N. Illinois St.
- Fairview Heights, IL 62208
- (618) 257-3000
- www.heilsound.com
Something for Everyone
Anyone familiar with both American and British slang will no doubt find the name of this company highly amusing. I was wondering if there wasn't someone on staff who might have pointed this out but then I saw their phone number and I figured they knew what they were doing.
- Fanny Wang Headphone Co.
- 855-BUY-HEAD
- www.fannywang.com
Joyful Karaoke
I wonder if they have a Miserable Karaoke machine for the Emo crowd?
- SunJin21 Corp
- (562) 708-8282
- www.sj21.com
Magic Decoder Ring
If Captain Midnight was a musician learning to play Indian music (rather than the head of a secret squadron), surely he'd own one of these stylish Rosetta Stones of Indian tuning systems.
- MusiCreed
- (866) 380-4666
- www.musicreed.com
Nice (Color) Organ
This looks like the progeny of a Radio Shack Color Organ and a guitar cabinet.
- DAR Amplification
- P.O. Box 60763
- Palo Alto, CA 94306
- (650) 814-1712
- www.daramps.com
Promiscuity
It looks like that color organ gets around, this time it's gotten it on with a DJ turntable rig.
- Odyssey Innovative Designs
- San Gabriel, CA 91776
- 809 West Santa Anita Street
- (626) 588-2528
- www.odysseygear.com
The Demure Organ
If you don't want to flaunt your light organ you can put it behind this tasteful privacy screen.
- Grundorf Corp
- (712) 322-3900
- www.grundorf.com
Organ Warning
I don't mean the "Viewer Discretion Advised" warning you'd get when a film with Harvey Keitel comes on TV. This is lighting associated with an organ of a different stripe. What we have here is a combination rotating Leslie horn & police car light.
- Hammond Suzuki USA, Inc.
- 733 Annoreno Drive
- Addison, IL 60101
- (630) 543-0277
- www.hammondorganco.com
Perfect For Mini Kiss
To round out the Oddities of lighting, I present a 17-ounce, battery-powered personal light show. Perfect for those gigs in really tiny clubs or for really tiny bands.
- Q Lighting, Inc.
- 750 Enterprise Dr.
- Lexington, KY 40510
- (877) 741-4612
- www.q-lighting.com
A Pop Cap in Yo Ass
The top two chairs seem to make some sort of sense but I can't figure out what kind of butt would possibly fit the bottom two.
- Mey Chair Systems
- D-96145 Seßlach-Merlach, Germany
- +49 0 9567 92 26 0
- www.mey-goes-music.com
Maybe it Should Have Been AxSit?
The AxSys looks like of like something you'd see at the gym but it's really a clever guitar stand that converts into a seat.
- Iconic Metal, LLC
- 9 Brisa Ribera
- Rancho Santa Margarita, CA 92688
- (855) 642-6642
- www.iconicmetal.com
Tuning That's Dead On
Finally, the perfect accessory for the Coffin Case I covered the first year that I did the NAMM Oddities.
- Woosung Chorus Industries
- www.megaamps.com
Chillin' with Seymour
They knew better than to populate the booth with comfy couches lest they be overrun with knackered NAMM attendees.
- Seymour Duncan
- 5427 Hollister Avenue
- Santa Barbara, CA 93111
- (805) 964-9610
- www.seymourduncan.com
Marketing The Grid
I think it would be appropriate if this contained some bit crushing DSP triggered by an G-force sensor so you could get the full Daft Punk "de-rezzing" effect when you whack your friends with this iPod dock.
- Monster
- (877) 800-8989
- www.monstercable.com
Simply Par for the Course
It's your standard 'fro-sporting, leather-clad, freakishly-tall Elvis. Just another day at NAMM.
- Calzone Cases
- 225 Black Rock Avenue
- Bridgeport, CT 06605
- (800) 243-5152
- www.calzonecase.com
NesquikBooks
The first thing that comes to mind when I think about music lesson management & accounts receivable software is a big jack rabbit. Don't you?
- Jackrabbit Technologies
- P.O. Box 21421
- Charlotte, NC 28231
- (704) 895-4035
- www.jackrabbitmusic.com
Some Pig
After Wilbur was saved from slaughter by Charlotte, he picked up some cool shades and went on to become the mascot for a guitar effects company.
- Pigtronix
- 200 Wilson St., Unit C-2
- Port Jefferson Station, NY 11776
- (631) 331-7447
- www.pigtronix.com
The Cone of Non-Silence
More like the cone of diffusion. The idea here is that this Plexiglas thingamajig (otherwise known as the TurboTone) is supposed to make the sound of the amp less directional. Static comb filtering included at no extra cost.
- iHawk Systems
- (31) 623-7275
- www.turbotone.com
Hard Shards
According to the manufacturer, these quartz crystal frets give your guitar "clear, resonant tone." If only they provided "optimized harmonics," it would be perfect.
- Crystal Frets
- (303) 621-6352
- www.crystalfrets.com
Glass Half Full
Our troubles are over! This tempered glass neck gives us those elusive "optimized harmonics." Unfortunately you have to give up "clear, resonant tone" in exchange for "pure, rich tone."
The fret quest continues...
- Glasstones Stringed Musical Instruments, LLC
- 7452 Demille Court
- Annandale, VA 22003
- (800) 614-2130
- www.glasstonesllc.com
So This Horse Walks Into a Bar...
What's an airplane doing in the Aviom booth? The only reason is to make people come over and say "What's an airplane doing in the Aviom booth?"
Maybe that or the fact that it was built by Aviom employee Jeff Lange.
- Aviom, Inc.
- 1157 Phoenixville Pike, Suite 201
- West Chester, PA 19380
- (610) 738-9005
- www.aviom.com
Cable Fettuccine
These flat cables come in a variety of flavors.
- Stokyo, LLC
- 800 S. Pacific Coast Highway, Ste. #B-187
- Redondo Beach, CA 90277
- (310) 945-5777
- www.stokyo.com
Don't be surprised if you find that the product or the company you see on these pages has ceased to exist, particularly as the pages get older. One function of the NAMM Oddities is that of a historical archive of attempted products.
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©2011 Barry Wood