Barry Wood's NAMM Oddities 2022 Edition

 Packrat Barry

Guitars

Angelic Archtop

As exquisite as the outside is, the inside is even more impressive—check it out at lower right. As with its namesake buildings, the inside of The Cathedral is simply awe-inspiring. In fact, it feels so Catholic that you might expect a nun to smack your hand should you play a wrong note.

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honeytea

It's Oni Rock 'n Roll

On the other end of the spectrum, these Japanese demon guitars look as if they're ready to kick ass and then devour it—legend says these monsters could eat people in one bite. This could be useful when the act onstage ahead of you is dragging out their set.

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espguitars

Buddy, Can You Spare a Hyphen?

Just your run-of-the-mill, double-neck, 12-string/6-string, two-tone neck, acoustic/electric flying V. Apologies if the rest of this year’s postings become one giant run-on sentence. Fairly sure I just ran through my punctuation allowance till 2025.

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riversongguitars

I Was Groot

…or for the older folks, Treebeard the guitar.

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valiantguitars

As If By Magic

If you're like me, you will wrongly assume that the face of this guitar is covered by an LCD display, but au contraire. It's actually coated with an electronically activated paint. Hit it with an electrical charge and it's one color; take away the charge and it's another. Right now the choice is binary, but the manufacturers say eventually you'll be able to have one-guitar collection of multiple colors.

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Night City Guitar

According to the ripperdoc--erm, luthier, this guitar was inspired by Cyberpunk 2077. Any guitar-playing netrunner would be proud to own this cybered-up Jaina.

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xolocustomguitars

They Just Need a Virgin Mary Bass

Not satisfied with just the crown of thorns, Warrior has added 100% more Jesus by volume.

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warriorinstruments

Do Not Adjust Your Set

This beautiful guitar uses the True Temperament neck that I first saw at the 2018 NAMM Show. I'm going to guess the eventual refretting job for this guitar will make someone do a lot of swearing.

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universumguitars

Breakdown, It's All Right

I've seen several collapsible guitars at NAMM but I don't recall any that didn't require you to loosen the strings first. In the video you can hear that when it went back together, the tuning was pretty darn good.

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Shiny Happy Faces

On those days when the rock n' roll grind seems heartless, this guitar will always be happy to see you. As an extra bonus, it'll help you make the most of your practice time by reminding you of your inevitable mortality. What a pal!

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creamguitars4

Indigenous Inlay

I’m always struck by how Minarik puts so much effort into every little detail. The inlay is meticulous, the painting is perfection. Enough about the display case, you should also check out the guitar.

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minarikguitars

You Green? Super Green

With 18k gold inlay and an amazing piece of wood, you can see why the Green Poplar guitar goes for a cool $62k. If you have that much mad money, you can be one of only six people in the world to own one.

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ritter-instruments

Please Hire a Designer

With a price tag of $125K, you'd think Martin would've put more effort into the actual design…or, say, any effort. If nothing else, do it to protect the investment—counterfeiters could knock out fakes with little more than a Walmart acoustic and some metallic paint Sharpies. And the back looks like Microsoft clip art. I'd buy two Green Poplar guitars before I'd buy this…or, you know, a house in a small Midwest town.

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martinguitar

In Space No One Can Hear You Play

If you play a wrong note in a vacuum, is it really a wrong note?

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aristidesinstruments2

Fossil Record

This made me think of the work paleontologists do reconstructing a dinosaur from its bones.

After exhaustive research, we feel this is the protective camouflage this specimen would have displayed. The bright colors were likely quite frightening to predatory, unimaginative, gray-suited record executives.

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strandbergguitars

Duuuuude!

Because of the deleterious effect it might have on chemically-altered concert-goers—that is to say, those already on a trip—I feel his guitar should come with a warning label for jam bands. Being that it's basically a trip in physical form, combining it with an existing trip would likely cancel out both and leave one feeling as sober and straightlaced as if they'd had lunch at Panera.

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ormsbyguitars

Provocative Lights

I suspect that cylinder with the LEDs is just there to make the sTele sit on the stand nicely, but in my imagination it's something much more interesting and involves the time-space continuum.

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kleinsbench

More Mixed Media

Gula has been busy in the time since last year's NAMM Show creating hybrid wood/resin guitars. I shudder to think how heavy some of these would be without the holes.

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C'mon, Get Happy

I know the design for this hand-painted guitar (which uses textured bed liner paint) takes some inspiration from the very highbrow Mondrian, but since it has to do with music, to me it just screams Partridge Family.

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lymanguitar

What Lies Beneath

Clearly that would be a paisley print in this case.

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dhatarattha

Simultaneous Invention

Something here feels… familiar. I have no idea if Dhatarattha or Maybach were aware of each others designs; it may just be a case of parallel thinking.

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maybach-guitars

Just Grate

This tricked-out guitar looks like a vintage heater vent you'd see in some bourgeois country estate in a BBC corset drama. (Maybach Manor, perhaps?)

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maybach-guitars2

Rock & Roll Voodoo

I'm not sure what this is—a custom guitar with Vince Ray artwork? A guitar that Wild Customs offers? A guitar of Vince's own that they jacked while he was snake charming? One thing seems plausible: If you take it to a graveyard at midnight and stick a pin in it, you can make a rival guitarist break a string during a solo.

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wildcustomguitars

Art From Choking Hazards

Finally someone has figured out what to do with the leftover Mexican Happy Meal toys after el Día de los Muertos.

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creamguitars2

Split Decision

Was the decision this case “What to do when you don't have quite enough wood of one type for a guitar”? If it was, it all worked out nicely. This distinctive guitar is make from two-tone cedar.

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kopeckyguitars

Lost On The Cheap Seats

You've got to look closely to really appreciate the work that went into the inlay around the sound hole.

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hozenguitars

I Put a Hex on You

…and a whole bunch of them on your guitar.

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espguitars2

Hats Off to the Zebras

In addition to confusing predators, apparently this guitar is unlikely to have flies land on it.

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aristidesinstruments

Party Of 87… Uh, I Mean 48

With a name like Donner you have to at least suspect the manufacturers got stuck somewhere and just had to eat part of this guitar just to survive.

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donnerdeal

A Little Bit of This, a Little Bit of That

Let's start with a beautiful piece of wood, throw in a big blue splotch, and inlay skeletons on the fretboard. If I had a nickel for every guitar out there that’s part beautiful piece of wood, part big blue splotch, and sporting inlay skeletons on the fretboard…I’d have a nickel.

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espguitars3

For the Greenpeace Guitarist

All I'm saying is that if you purchase the OM Biosphere guitar, your tour van better damn well run on waste vegetable oil.

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martinguitar2

The Tofurky of Guitars

It looks like a guitar but one taste will tell you otherwise. This is the latest entry into the guitar-like-digital-controller category.

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aeroband
Next Up: Other Goodies

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