Barry Wood's NAMM Oddities 2015 Edition

Packrat Barry

You Figure It Out

The Iron Throne

Only the victor in the final Battle of the Bands can sit this throne.


On the Hill Next to the Uncanny Valley

This is Mechelvis is moderately terrifying. If this were receptionist at the USPTO office they would have to deal with fewer visitors.

Best. Fridge. Ever.

Nothing more need be said.


In Russia, The Mirror Balls You

I don't think V-Moda is a russian company, nor do I really know if their headphones are good or not, it was just the mirrored-studded mannequin that garnered my attention.


Time Machine

Universal Audio had a clever setup with a flat screen video standing in for the studio with engineers walking around. Outside you could sit at the board and they'd take a black and white shot of you.

  • Universal Audio, Inc.
  • 4585 Scotts Valley Drive
  • Scotts Valley, CA 95066

Still Not Dead

This is how I feel by the end of NAMM. These guys, from the band Still Not Dead were invited by Evolution Guitars to just chill and decompose.


Sporting a Tremendous Honer

Is that a giant, graffiti-laden harmonica in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?


Oh, These Go In Your Ears

For a moment I thought I'd wandered into a different sort of trade show.


Fire Breathing Line Array

This is actually one of the finer looking line arrays I've seen.

  • GuangZhou PanYu Tiansheng Entertainment Equipment Factory
  • No.16, Shizaigang Road, Zhongcun the Second Industrial Area
  • Panyu, Guangzhou Guangdong
  • China
  • www.?.com

Day 1, First Unmanned Booth Sighted

Apparently I could have learned to play guitar before the people from Guitar In 5 showed up at their booth on Thursday.


One Non Sequitur of Many

The phrase on the poster "Let Music Be Everywhere" did nothing to make a logical connection between the a naked woman hanging on a giant speaker cone with knock off music accessories.


NAMM Attendee Traps

I daren't make use of these complimentary bean bags on my NAMM death march, I'd never get up again.


A Bridge Not Quite Far Enough

The only thing missing from these was that the speaker grills didn't spin. Color me disappointed… with flashing lights of course.


"Only from the mind of a German"

I don't know that I'm fully onboard with DHD's tagline. I know people of many nationalities who are fully cable of building butt-ugly, gaudy crap.

  • 4480 Pacific Boulevard
  • Vernon, California 90058

It's a Living

I guess Gator Cases was not satisfied with their stationary figure from last year and put some poor schmuck to work.

I'm a fan of Gator cases, I've got one for my studio monitors, a 2-space padded rack, and I used one of their effect pedalboard cases to make a custom mic case.


Smoke on the NAMM Floor

Lasers in the Sky.


Environmentally Conscious

This the best recycling idea I've seen for old speakers.


Where Old Tour Shirts Go To Die

Liza Eastman made this wonderful quilt from old concert tour shirts. You know the ones, threadbare and tattered but you still can't bear to part with them.


Eric the Half-a-Bus

Is this wretched demi-bus,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bus!


Bionic Fingernails

Finger picking prosthetics for those with the heartbreak of weak nails.

Not being of the Goth persuasion, I've only had black fingernails when I was careless with a hammer and that one Halloween.


Doomsday Prepper Guitar Players

If you're a guitar player just waiting for the SHTF you'll want a long-term solution for new guitars after society has crumbled. If you use this building material for the floor of your defensible compound you'll be set.


I Have Only One Burning Desire

I'll bet you never thought you'd ever be able to purchase four different Jimi Hendrix-inspired flavors of hot sauce. I'll also bet that like me, you literally never thought of it period.

  • King of Fire Sauce Distributors
  • 3275 Newport Highway, Ste. 5
  • Sevierville, TN 37876

Department of Redundancy Department

At 12 midnight, should you be unexpectedly surprised and surrounded on all sides in close proximity by herd of pig hogs without any advanced warning, your natural instinct for a brief moment (based on past experience) in this crisis situation might be to retreat back the way you came but the final conclusion might possibly be your complete destruction.


©2015 Barry Wood